I have finally realized that the perfect relationship isn't a relationship at all.
I'm not speaking for grown-up, mature relationships, but only for the younger generation of couples.
The girl that I have been in love with for the past three years, recently confessed to me that she wasn't in love anymore.
One of her reasons: we didn't fight anymore.
Excuse me? I was convinced that it was every couple's goal not to fight anymore. Isn't that the holy grail of love?
Apparently, fighting keeps the spark alive. I thought that the more we fought, the more we pushed each other away.
In conclusion, I linked this situation with being an offensive one-on-one basketball player.
When you have the ball and a defender is guarding you, the best way to score is to, first, create space.
You do this by closing the gap between you and the defender by getting as close as possible. They will respond to this shift in space by taking a step back to gain proper defensive space again.
If you step back and create a larger gap between you two, then the defender is forced to come closer to be able to properly defend you.
When people used to tell me, "you're too nice, girls like bad boys," I would picture gangster guys or Harley bikers.
I finally understand that I was completely off. Girls don't like literal bad boys. They are attracted to a guy that will come in close, then step back--They need a guy who will give them undivided attention, then turn around and make them feel unimportant.
It's true: love is a game. So, to all the self-proclaimed good-guys out there, take my advice. You will eventually become boring to the girls who are in love with you right now.
Create rifts. Fight. Do things they love. DO things they hate. (Not stuff like cheating on them, or keeping them on lock down... nothing extremely hurtful). If you don't, they will leave.
You need to fight in order to make up, and feel that "new love" feeling again. By fighting, and making up, you recreate that emotion, strengthening the bond between you two in her mind.
Remember, the best way to score is to make sure you're always modifying the space between you and your defender. This is the same with your girlfriend.
Standing still doesn't make for much of a basketball game.
It is no different in a relationship.
“I was convinced that it was every couple's goal not to fight anymore.”
ReplyDeleteNieve couples believe that, which is surprisingly a lot. The purpose regarding fighting is to minimize them, not eliminate. Some fighting is healthy, and normal, but what you’re suggesting is to every-once-in-a-while instigate a fight, what the hell? NO! That’s being a dumb-dumb.
“Apparently, fighting keeps the spark alive.”
Yeah, in unhealthy relationships. And last time I checked a person doesn’t strive for an UNhealthy relationship (consciously, that is).
“In conclusion, I linked this situation with being an offensive one-on-one basketball player.”
Take out “in conclusion.” Maybe replace with “Subsequently,”.
The basketball analogy is really good at explaining your point.
“When people used to tell me, ‘you're too nice, girls like bad boys,’”
People either don’t tell you that anymore because you’re now an ass or they’ve realized that advice is as idiotic as it sounds.
“They need a guy who will give them undivided attention, then turn around and make them feel unimportant.”
Those are ONLY Anxious-Ambivalent girls. Which by the way, only affect people who haven’t worked on themselves thoroughly enough to overcome it to the point it’s no longer a problem.
“So, to all the self-proclaimed good-guys out there, take my advice. You will eventually become boring to the girls who are in love with you right now.”
Even though you didn’t use a colon to directly link the next sentence, the fact that these two sentences are separated in their own little paragraph comes across as you saying your advice is good-guys are fucked. It’s not advice if you’re telling them what definitely will happen despite anything they do. May want to connect it to the next paragraph or reword it.
“Do things they love. DO things they hate... If you don't, they will leave.”
So? Good riddance! Let ‘em leave. Why the hell would you want to keep a girl around who has so many rules and guidelines to be with her? Honestly RiRaY, that is THE dumbest fucking advice I’ve heard you give.
“Do things they love, then do things they will hate you for. Yeah, girls really love it when you care for them one day and stick it to them the next. If you don’t, prepare for the consequences because the world will end since she’ll leave you for some other fucktard who will play her mind games and you’ll be left in miserable, agonizing pain trying to figure out how you’re going to live with your freedom and a healthy mindset now back in your possession.” Are you freaking serious?
“By fighting, and making up, you recreate that emotion, strengthening the” cycle of violence “between you two in her mind.”
“Remember, the best way to score is to make sure you're always modifying the space between you and your defender. This is the same with your girlfriend.
ReplyDeleteStanding still doesn't make for much of a basketball game.
It is no different in a relationship.”
I liked your basketball point as an analogy, but as an ARGUMENT!? It sucks. The two aren’t even the same thing. Yes, I agree you need to keep the space to be able to score (I’m assuming the means brownie points with your gf or the blatant translation of sex) and standing around makes a boring game. But you are arguing that a relationship, a.k.a. partnership, is exactly like a basketball game, a.k.a. competition? A game is meant to be played when their are opposing teams, both fighting until one wins and one loses. You keep moving and do everything you can until you’re on top.
In relationships, you’re not competing to see who will win and who will lose. I guarantee you, if one loses you BOTH lose in a relationship. That’s definitely not the same as a basketball game.
You sacrifice your sanity to please her by maintaining some space game? How is that healthy? How does that benefit the partnership? It doesn’t. If the man feeds into her delusions, the woman will continue to be mislead (which makes you an enabler of her anxious-ambivalenceness... word?) and makes you a martyr. “As long as she’s happy I’m happy.” Yeah, right. Decent idea, poor application.
I understand where you’re coming from, but this is the shitiest excuse for a paper I’ve seen when it comes to giving relationship advice.
hey fuck you. I wasn't gonna post is but I posted it for you
ReplyDeleteAnd I appreciate you posting it.
ReplyDelete